But a certain turkey has really started getting in my way. Literally. 

He often hangs out on the corner of a four-way stop. At first it was funny, like he was waiting for the bus.

Then, this weekend as I approached the stop, the turkey was in the middle of the intersection. I waited for him to cross the road (I see the joke here), but he had other ideas. He headed right for my car and proceeded to block me every time I tried to swerve around him. He was so close I couldn’t even see him until his blue head popped up over the hood and he "gobble-gobbled" at me.

It was ridiculous. And maddening. I had no idea what to do. I wasn’t about to get out of the car—turkeys are surprisingly large. And this one clearly had no fear.

I finally escaped, and then I called Animal Control, who said, and I quote, "We’re aware of the turkey."

Apparently, even the local news had heard about this traffic-stopping bird. Police hadn’t been able to catch him. They even hired a professional trapper. And guess what? His trap was stolen.

Why? Because the neighbors like the turkey. They’ve been feeding him. They think of him as their mascot. They’ve even called city hall to protest his capture. They love this turkey so much that they are willing to put up with the hazards and annoyance this turkey imposes on, well, me.

So. Do you have any turkeys on your website? Let’s discuss.

A navigation "concept"
Website navigation helps users find the information they’re looking for. Sometimes.

The Flash-powered navigation on thomasedison.org includes an impressively long list of Edison’s inventions. But it literally spirals and moves as you use it, and the font is so small it’s illegible. I want to know more about Edison, but the design is getting in my way.

Here’s another example: The tiny gray boxes at the top of the site for fashion designer Alexandre Herchcovitch may look sleek, but as unlabeled navigation they tell you absolutely nothing about the content—unless you click each one. (P.S. Incredibly loud intro music and no off button? Isn’t that against the law?)

Give me what I’m looking for
If you give me a text link, make sure that when I click I get whatever the text tells me I will.

If a "Read more" link on a "Project Management Courses" page goes to a video, that video should give information on course content. It shouldn’t just show course participants saying "hi." This is only interesting to the people in the video. 

And the video ending, showing a participant in his underwear and covered with Post-It notes, helped me decide to never sign up for these classes.

Show, don’t tell
Don’t fall victim to the "blah blah blah." Just give me the goods.

Ladder Golf site visitors are likely interested in ordering this new game or learning how it’s played. So the homepage doesn’t need all kinds of content telling them why the product is so great. Instead, move that animated banner demonstrating the game from way at the bottom of the page to the top, and give visitors what they want. 

Too much fun
If you’re looking for product information on the Beggin’ Strips dog snacks site, you’re in for some unexpected fun. Play games! Put a picture of yourself and your dog in a music video! Lots of fun—and no actual product info anywhere. Hmm. Bacon-flavored turkey? 

Why did the turkey cross the road?
I don’t care. Because it’s not funny.

Do you have turkeys on your website? No matter how fun, cute, or beautifully designed a turkey is, if it keeps users from getting to the information they want, then it’s causing an annoying, even aggravating, experience.

Think of it this way: Does anyone want a turkey getting in their way? No, they don’t. Trust me.  

Here’s what they look like:

"The text reads: Warning!!! Your computer contains various types of adware and viruses.

"Your system requires immediate anti-viruses check! Personal Antivirus will perform a quick and free scanning of your PC for viruses and malicious programs. "

"The text reads: Your computer remains infected by threats! They can cause data loss and file damage and need to be cured as soon as possible."

Graphically, these warnings look legit, like they were created with Microsoft or another professional anti-virus company, right?  It’s enough to scare people into clicking immediately.

The Copy Test
Fortunately, there’s a simple trick for detecting scareware: Take a look at that copy.

Do legitimate warnings ever work to inspire this much fear and urgency? Do they scream "emergency" with multiple exclamation points and words like "malicious" and "infected"?      

No. And that’s what gives them away. Legit error and warning messages are rarely this exciting.

While it’s not great writing, the writers of this scareware copy understand their readers and their fear of computer viruses. Many "for real" error and warning messages don’t work because the writer isn’t thinking from the readers’ point of view.

Pop-ups and error messages should be clear and compelling (but not frightening!). Check out these tips for writing some good ones.

The Morals of This Story

• Think before you click.

• Don’t run scams. 

• Be nice to your reader and give them clear, actionable copy. Always.

2.   Our favorite lunch spot is the Bulldog NE. But we doubt we’re their favorite customers. (Maybe if we called ahead before all 15 of us stomped through their doors …)

3.   We’re really, really happy about our new dishwasher. Magically clean dishes.

4.   We’ve had a TV for 6 months that we haven’t taken out of the box.

5.   All meetings involve snarky comments. It’s why we have meetings.

6.   Hilarity is one of our core values. For real.

7.   Our fridge is stocked with string cheese, English muffins, sparkling water, Diet Coke and V8. 

8.   Kristina thinks V8 is gross. David, Julie and Elizabeth strongly disagree.

9.   We love the fake grass in our conference room table.

10. Meghan and Elizabeth hate each other. Elizabeth says Meghan eats kittens. True story.

11. We’re almost out of beer for Disco Friday.

12. For Amy and Angie 1.0′s birthdays, we ordered a Pride & Pegasus birthday cake (e.g., Jane Austen on a pegasus). Best birthday cake ever.

13. Our receptionist team includes Liberace, T Rex, and a cow. We had to fire Buffy the Vampire Slayer because she was dressed inappropriately.

14. Erin and Meghan are in a fight.

15. We really, really, really want to hire more guys. We love dudes. And equal opportunity.

16. We love it when dogs visit the office. Our favorites: Molly, Wahoo, and Sam. 

17. Chunks of things fall from our ceiling.

18. Delivery dudes, please pay attention: No one named Brian Traffic works here.

19. But if you are named Brian, and you’d like to work here, please let us know.

20. We have very loud shoes. We are the loudest walkers in the history of anyone who walked.

21. Favorite shoes around here: Danskos (particularly favored by IAs), MBT shoes (the anti-shoes), and Fluevogs.

22. We made our own Christmas stockings.

23. We work in the old Banks building. Many clients and visitors remember shopping here before it was turned into office space.

24. We’re within spitting distance of the Otter, Popular Front, and White Castle. But we do not spit on any of them. 

25. We like chips.

As such, we writers have regular discussions about troubling words or troublesome tasks of cleaning up misunderstandings about capitalization, em dashes, and the like. Here's one of the latest, when we officially decided not to initial cap “internet” anymore, whether it’s used as a noun or an adjective.

As I recall, the decision came about something like this:   

Angie 1.0 (me): Hey, everyone! Should we initial cap internet when we use it as a noun?

Angie 2.0: I don’t like capitalizing Internet. Or Web. Or InterWebs.

Katie: Yeah! I hate capping things.

Meghan: But didn’t we agree to initial cap “web” when we use it as a noun?

Angie 2.0: When did we agree to that?

Angie 1.0: Didn’t you get that email?

Meghan: Wired magazine doesn’t initial cap internet. And isn’t the rule about initial capping it in the process of changing?

Angie 2.0: And Wired is on the cutting edge of that change.

Angie 1.0: Right. Eventually nobody will initial cap internet.

Erin: Once the dictionaries catch up.

Meghan: Yes, let’s be on the cutting edge of change!

Everyone: Yeah!

Angie 1.0: Remember that movie The Net with Sandra Bullock?

Erin: Wasn’t that about identity theft on the internet?

Angie 2.0: Yeah, something like that. Do we have to initial cap “Net” when we use it as a noun?

Katie: We are NOT using “the Net.” Under any circumstances.

Everyone: YEAH!

A quick perusal of a few industry blogs revealed an inconsistent style on initial capping internet. So we turned to Wired for some guidance. In 2004, it declared that on its pages internet and web (and net) would not be initial capped anymore. We’re happy to officially join the trend—since we believe it will become a rule anyway. 

It’s definitely becoming a rule in our house style guide.

 The video communicates the point of the blog post, which follows up on a story about an opera singer's weight loss. A couple of the reader comments perfectly capture the problem:

And, sadly, this:

        Can't get the video to load..

        anyone else?

There are a dozen reasons why someone can't or won't watch a video. Keep those users in mind if you're using video to communicate essential content. If you want them to get your message, you'll need to provide it in an accessible non-video format. Like, say, text.    

Angie 2.0: So, how do we feel about using “them” and “they” as singular pronouns?

Personally, I like it. A sentence gets clunky when you throw in “her or him” or “she or he.” And you can’t always pluralize the subject to get around it.

Meghan: Since we aim for a conversational tone, it’s one of those rules we can agree to break.

Melissa: It makes me crazy. I think it sounds uneducated. 

David: Whoever came up with the English language forgot to come up with a gender-neutral singular pronoun to use. So we had to borrow one. I’m fine with that. 

Angie 2.0: Here's the sentence I was wrangling with: "You give your growing baby the vitamins and minerals that help them develop."

Jason: What if you have the face of a baby, and your baby has a man face?

Angie 1.0: Then the baby would be a monster. And we could use “it.”

Kristina: I don't even understand the sentence! Are they talking about breastmilk? Can we just say BREASTMILK?

Meghan: No, they're talking about Vitamin Water. It's a marketing alliance.

Angie 2.0: Um, no. This is about prenatal care.

Melissa: How about "Your growing baby needs vitamins and minerals to develop"?

Meghan: Melissa is a genius.

Yes. This is how these things get decided.
In summary: When using a casual, conversational tone, we've decided it's okay to use "them" or "they" as a singular pronoun—but only if restructuring the sentence to avoid it doesn't work.

And for more formal writing, "he or she" is likely more appropriate. Even if we think it's clunky.

Some grammar and usage guides find nothing wrong with them/they as a singular pronoun. The Columbia Guide to Standard American English says:

The fact is, however, that the plural they has already overwhelmed the singular he as generic pronoun at most levels and in all prose except some Edited English and very Formal writing. Much Edited English now avoids the singular entirely by using the plural for all parts of the sentence: Students must attend classes if they hope to pass their courses.

And guess what? This usage isn't new. And The American Heritage Book of English Usage points out that it's been around since the 1300s.

This post on the Language Log, a blog written by linguistics professors, just confirms all of the above: 

Avoid singular they if you want to; nobody is making you use it. But don't ever think that it is new (it goes back to early English centuries ago), or that it is illogical (there is no logical conflict between being syntactically singular and semantically plural), or that it is ungrammatical (it is used by the finest writers who ever used English, writers who uncontroversially knew what they were doing).

Of course, one of those fine writers happens to be a favorite around here: Jane Austen. Thanks to Grammar Girl for pointing this out (p. 13 of her writing guide [PDF]).